Our Intimate Relationships Require Us To Commit To Showing Up

Without commitment, a relationship has no purpose or direction. It’s just floating, possibly with one person trying to row the relationship boat with one oar hoping the other will feel inspired to catch up and commit.

Commitment is a decision made up of much smaller ones. We undertake decisive actions that align with our intentions and values. In turn, our commitments take care of our needs, desires, expectations, feelings, and opinions.

Contrary to popular belief, commitment isn’t only about marriage, which is just one expression of relationship commitment. It also isn’t necessarily about a rigid idea of monogamy. Within a relationship, commitment is mutual agreement about the nature of it and choosing to show up as the people that reflect it. Each person knows where they stand.

Commitment is one of the five landmarks of healthy relationships, along with balance, consistency, intimacy, and progression. When you have the landmarks, plus you each endeavour to embody the four qualities of a loving partner, you co-create, forge, and sustain a mutually fulfilling relationship.

When one or both parties have a foot out the door, it doesn’t make for an intimate relationship. Intimacy stems from trust and vulnerability. Some decisions need to be made for us to get there. Yes, even though we don’t have a crystal ball to see into the future!

When we make commitments, it’s somewhat of a leap of faith. We have to make them without knowing exactly how the commitment’s going to unfold end to end but also without knowing the finer details of how we’re going to honour that commitment. Of course, the better we know ourselves, the more we can trust ourselves to meet the commitment.

It is the smaller actions, choices and decisions we make that strengthen our commitment to each other. Hence, if someone cannot show up for the smaller stuff, there’s no point trusting them with the big-ticket commitments because they will leave us hanging. 

Relationships that have the commitment landmark are ones where each partner commits to showing up to the relationship each day. They started out committing to showing up for dates. Then they committed to progressing into a relationship to explore the possibilities. And from there, they’ve shown commitment to themselves, their partner and relationship by being and doing things that reflect this.

If you’re tired of spotting these signs after the fact and want to finally stop the cycle of unavailable relationships, my program ‘Break the Cycle of Emotional Unavailability’ will help you do just that.

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