In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I chat with Benjamin Camras, the Flirt Coach, about the realities of modern dating and why so many people are struggling to make genuine connections. We dig into how dating apps have normalised unhealthy intensity and speed in relationships, why people often mistake anxiety for romantic interest, and how the constant exposure to rejection through apps is affecting our nervous systems.
Benjamin shares his perspective on flirting as an act of service and connection rather than manipulation, and we discuss why it's crucial not to make dating your entire identity. If you've ever felt overwhelmed by modern dating culture or wondered why forming relationships feels so much harder than it used to, this conversation offers both validation and practical insights for navigating today's dating landscape while maintaining your sense of self.
IN THIS EPISODE...
- Modern dating apps have normalised unhealthy intensity and unrealistic pacing in relationships. The ability to go from strangers to intimate involvement within 24 hours creates a false sense of connection that bypasses the natural process of getting to know someone. This "cosplaying dating" with people we barely know affects our nervous systems and ability to use proper discernment.
- Many people mistake anxiety for romantic interest, leading them into people-pleasing patterns in dating. When we experience anxiety around someone and interpret it as attraction or chemistry, we often end up trying to prove ourselves rather than genuinely getting to know each other. True compatibility requires spending actual time together, not just intense feelings.
- The constant exposure to rejection through dating apps creates unprecedented stress on our nervous systems. Unlike previous generations, modern daters can experience hundreds of rejections daily through swiping, cancelled dates, and ghosting - all while managing other life responsibilities. This level of rejection isn't what humans are designed to handle.
- Texting creates an illusion of connection that people often mistake for real relationship building. Hours of messaging can feel emotionally significant, but "texty time" is fundamentally different from spending actual time together. Many people count texting periods as part of their relationship timeline, creating false intimacy and unrealistic expectations.
- Successful dating requires not making it your entire identity or sole focus. When we outsource our self-worth to dating outcomes or put all our energy into one potential connection, we lose ourselves in the process. Maintaining other relationships, interests, and a strong sense of self is crucial for both dating success and personal wellbeing.
LINKS MENTIONED AND RECOMMENDED RESOURCES
- Benjamin Camras, the Flirt Coach, on Instagram
- The Flirtations podcast
- Benjamin Camras TikTok
- Episode 99: The People Pleasing Episode with Natalie Lue (Flirtations podcast)
- Relationship Fundamentals: Overcoming Dating Anxiety class save 40% with the code PODCAST
- Rejection in Dating reel by Benjamin on TikTok
- Want More Dating Success? Be Discerning By Adopting a Recruiter Mindset
- Podcast Ep. 145: Stage 0-1 of Relationships & The Recruiter Mindset
- Podcast Ep. 167: Texting Anxiety – Why didn’t you text back?
- Podcast Ep. 201: Who were you ‘getting to know’ over those texts?
- Podcast Ep. 160: Interest Is A Hypothesis
- Podcast Ep. 251: Spotting a Romance Scammer
- Podcast Ep. 187: Breaking the Lather, Rinse, Repeat of the Frustrating Dating Cycle
- Podcast Ep. 123: The 5 Stages of Relationships
- Podcast Ep. 189: Let’s Talk About Chemistry
- Podcast Ep. 191: About Defining The Relationship
- Podcast Ep. 222: They’re just not that into you?
- Podcast Ep. 127: “Bark like a dog” and your ‘dating and relationship self’
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