Over the weekend, I released my new workbook Get Out of Stuck. It’s my guide to helping you kick relationship insanity and transform your beliefs. I wrote it for lots of reasons, not least because at the heart of most issues, especially the ones we’re ‘stuck’ in, are your beliefs and your boundaries. In speaking and corresponding with readers recently, something became apparent: they were painting themselves into a corner.
By damning themselves whatever they did, they ended up in no man’s land. The most common example of this is where you don’t believe you can trust a certain someone but you don’t trust yourself either. As a result, you essentially end up miserable and immobile.
When this person tells you something, you don’t believe them. Then whatever you’re afraid of and whatever negative beliefs you have about yourself, you align these with what the person said/did. It becomes I’m not good enough to be told the truth. You might think, “They’re going to leave me”. Or “They’ve found someone better than me and they just don’t know how to tell me straight”. Or “I knew they were cheating on me”, or whatever’s swirling around in your mind.
The trouble with fears and negative beliefs is that any time anything remotely plays into them, it triggers your habitual thoguth processes. On some level, your subconscious is like, Okay, is this confirming that I’m [negative belief]?
When your partner says that they want to take things slower because they have problems to attend to before they can commit and be serious about the relationship, your spidey senses will go into overdrive. Your ‘fear bells’ will ring.
What your partner’s saying could be true. Or it could be a slow fade to make their way out of the relationship. You’re going to be far more inclined to believe it’s the latter if you’ve been habitually involved with people who don’t know how to be direct and take the easy way out.
If you don’t think you’re good enough and you take your partner’s words as the truth, you’ll then say ‘I’m not good enough to hold onto [your partner]. If I was, they wouldn’t need to take a break while sorting out their problems. They’d want to hold on to me and sort out their problems.’
If you don’t think you’re good enough and you decide your partner’s lying, their claims will confirm that you’re not good enough. ‘They don’t want to be with me. They lied about what they really want because I’m not good enough. If I were, they wouldn’t be asking for space’.
See what happened there?
This is painting yourself into a corner, putting yourself between a rock and a hard place, and getting yourself stuck. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’ve created a situation where it doesn’t matter whether it’s a truth or a lie, it’s still telling you the same thing you’ve already decided on. It corroborates a story and lies you’ve already been telling yourself.
Now, if you’re in a situation where no matter what happens, you’re going to believe the worst about yourself, it stands to reason that the only way you’re going to get out of stuck, is to address the root belief and why you have it. You can then transform your outlook and beliefs so that you don’t paint yourself into a corner with your thought process.
Why? Because it connects two people and it shows how much they love one another. However, I’m cautious of having sex because I’m afraid they won’t like my body or that I’ll be vulnerable. I’m afraid they’ll discover I’m not good enough. If I don’t have sex, I wonder what’s wrong with me and why I’m not good enough. Painting themselves into a corner.
I know I should be happy. I’m worried though because I don’t know how to trust that this is real. What if he sees that I have flaws? * Note that if he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, she would think that it was because she has flaws that make it difficult for him to want to be with her. Yep, painting herself into a corner.
And it’s crucial to recognise that someone on the receiving end of your negative beliefs can feel that they’re damned if they do and damned if they don’t. Likewise, this is exactly how you get stuck. You’re removing your options.
When you paint yourself into a corner, get stuck, and remove your own options, there isn’t an outcome where you can even be moderately happy because your negative belief(s) mean that each situation creates the same feeling within you. This is why some people are bewildered as to why they’re not happy when, for all intents and purposes, they ‘should’ be. Well, it’s because they don’t believe they’re good enough and they don’t trust whatever good is happening. They’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. That, and their idea of what ‘should’ might not be true for them.
If you think something about yourself (or something) that leaves you with no room for a positive outcome that leaves you in peace, something’s very wrong. It’s critical to address your beliefs so that you can not only open up your options but you can take a leap of faith on yourself and believe in you and the possibilities instead of believing the worst.
Your thoughts?
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Natalie, it seems as though you are writing each article for me personally… each one seems to fit right where I’m at in my journey as the weeks go on. I’m now 7 months NC, with the exception of an accidental run in. But here’s the problem that I can’t seem to convince myself that I’m good enough, pretty enough, whatever. With 3 EUM’s under my belt, being basically single for the last 7 years (I don’t count the EUM’s as real relationships because I couldn’t extract one out of any of them), being approached all the time by men, being told I’m beautiful, etc it seems no matter what happens nothing seems to work out into a real relationship. And so the negative beliefs seep back in because I can’t seem to make heads or tails of it. It constantly feels like 2+2=3, I’m confused and I answer that confusion and mixed messages by telling myself something must be wrong with me??! Everyone else seems to be finding their guy, all my friends got married. I’ve been following my new found red flags and walking away from anything that peaks my antennae… just the other night a man I met at a party asked a mutual friend for my number. He called, we had a great date, he kissed me at the end of the night and now all I’ve gotten for the past week is 2 texts that basically said nothing. And so even though my head says… red flags, who cares, walk away there’s still that thing that pings my rejection and abandonment issues and my head spins. It makes me not want to date at all so I can avoid any rejection whatsoever. Which would render my immobile right? The only thing I can make of this is to keep my actions moving in the right direction and after time my beliefs will eventually match and change. Regardless, I am so thankful to have this site as my constant reference. It helps me to no end and I’m so appreciative that I’m not alone. I remember I originally found it 2 yrs ago but I was not ready, had to go another whole year before I found it again and really dug in. It’s true that it’s hard to find other women that relate in real life, they have no idea what I’m talking about and so now I’ve learned just to keep it to myself but I feel like I’m smarter now. I look forward to feeling in my core that I am actually good enough or that I’m not damaged, too independent, too whatever…
Thanks for listening and thanks for all you do Natalie!
CC
Ditto to you CC, can definitely identify with the feeling that the world – and everyone else – is moving ahead at the regular pace, i.e. meet, marriage, make babies lol. However, they’re us special few for whom the story isn’t a straight line. That texting thing really grinds my gear, I’m so anti text now it’s not even funny. I saw a poster online one time that said ‘if you’re really digging a girl, call, don’t text’. Alot of times, with ‘relationships’ (using the term loosely), you can’t identify anything blatantly wrong (e.g. infidelity, physical or verbal abuse), but there’s this latent disinterest and lack of concern that makes you feel like, well, they can take you or leave you. Going through that makes you paranoid about everyone and everything else, definitely have to move away from the mindset one step at a time:)
@ CC,
Why don’t you try looking at this a different way. Is this guy that you went on one date with, kissed you and sent you 2 text messages in 2 weeks somebody that YOU are interested in ??? I think we women get stuck in this mind set that its up to the guy to CHOOSE us. And that if they choose use by showing us attention-we keep seeing them just because they showed interest and we aren’t really interested in them and only become intersted them because they are interested in us. Then when they don’t act interested or show little interest we think WE did something wrong and that’s why they aren’t calling or only showing a little interest.
My point is-lets stick to picking the kind of guy that WE want and not leave it up to them to pick us. If we let them do all the pursuing and making the moves to start further dating then we are always going to feel insecure and rejected when they don’t pursue and don’t communicate. Don’t wait for the guy to call you-you call him if you think the first date merits a second. Waiting by the phone or waiting for him to contact puts us in the lower position to begin with-ie: not on level ground. So no wonder we feel rejected. Hope I made sense.
Dawn,
I agree with you that we get to choose. I have just discovered this recently. After a lovely encounter with assclownery (fortunately my first and last) I have begun dating again. Against NML’s advice, I have been trying online dating. Yes there are more than enough of the ridiculous men trying to get into your pants and nothing more, but they are fairly easy to weed out. I have met, and gone on many dates with very nice men and it dawned on me that it wasn’t about if “HE” wants to go out again or if “HE” is interested or if “HE” wants to pursue something, it was about ME and what I want.
By nature I am a people pleaser and I don’t like to hurt people however, I am finally realizing that finding someone who makes me happy and that I want to be with is serious and it is about my wants and needs and not about settling for someone because THEIR wants and needs are more important.
Yes. The negative self-image is debilitating. HOW do we resolve that? Every bump in the road comes back to “I don’t understand why I’m never worth the effort.” When we’re waiting for the let-down, even when there has been no evidence it is forthcoming, at what point can you know “This time will be different?” Taking a leap of faith is easier with him than with myself.
Well I’m a little astonished to see how many of us have had so many similar feelings (“what’s wrong with ME”, “everyone ELSE has someone”) etc…and I doubt it’s coincidental that it is women who have been involved with EUM/AC’s are the ones that feel this way.
We’ve been hammered down by our parents maybe, maybe friends, definitely relationships, to the point where we feel “different” from other ppl and i’m sure we must radiate that.
What I look at is this: what has SHE got that I don’t have? Nothing, basically. I have all the desirable characteristics and while i may not have a supermodel body, i see plenty of women of all different sizes and shapes and facial features, finding good loving healthy mates. So I’ve concluded there IS nothing “wrong” with me…except thinking that there IS. I’m just as likely a candidate to find someone as anyone else is. And this is just sinking in, recently. I expect some positive feedback soon to confirm this new realization.
Boy did I need this post! I am in week two of NC and had begun to waffle (the old “I bet we can be just friends” line keeps popping into my head) plus my ex-husband just announced he’s getting married-I don’t want him and couldn’t care but found myself in my personal corner “There’s nothing else out there for me–at least with my AC I had something.” So I have been fighting off going back to the pain and crap and the lies and being used. I’m in my late 40s and see nothing ahead in my future to look forward to (a soon to be empty nest that I have to sell, no family in the area)…and for some twisted reason I’m tempted to go back-just to have something in my life. I’ve never thought myself good enough, or pretty enough or just plain enough—how do I find that within myself?
CTK,
I know exactly where you’re coming from. I am also in my late forties and it is difficlut to imagine that there is something/someone out there – I always figured if I haven’t found it yet, it’s not there.
It’s hard not to feel there is ‘something wrong with you’, especially when everyone else around you seems to have a stable/permanent relationship… I am (almost) the only single, unattached woman that I know, and that is not good for the self-esteeem; I always think people (probably also including my EUM!) must also wonder ‘what is wrong with her’!!
So I totally get the idea that what “he” is offering is better than nothing’ because I find it nigh on impossible to imagine there is someone else out there for me or I’d have stumbled across him by now – even by accident!
But I think these negative beliefs do us no good and only feed off eachother, so that we do end up actually believing that what’s good enough for everyone else is not also what we deserve or what we can even aspire to (that’s all for those and such as those!)
I have found it hard, but I now agree with NML that this ” he is better than nothing” comes at too high a price (i.e. your sense of self worth/self esteem etc.). Even if I don’t think I could get anything better, I certainly don’t want HIM to think that, or to him to think that is my view of myself….that just gives him his free pass to offer nothing concrete while enjoying all the benefits, which they must see as “free”, or at the very least “cheap at the price!” But we must remember that it is a very costly transaction for us!
It’s time to believe that even if there is never another decent guy out here, that YOU and life are enough, and you can be happier and love yourself more – and you achieve this this not despite having to give him up but BECAUSE you have given him up.
I do now believe that in breaking free from the crap that it all actually is with these people I gain back what I should have never bartered with in the first place: bog basic respect for MYSELF, and having taken steps to deal with my predicament and erroneous self beliefs I already feel more ‘worth it’ – and that “he” may not agree, does not bother me so much now (bcos I know now that is not what it’s about – he soen’t think anything probably about me! Only about what’s “safe” for him to handle and what he can gain from it. Funny, now that I have stopped giving him permission or invitations to come and go as he pleases, so to speak; he seems to be in a bit of a quandry – I have a feeling he doesn’t quite know how to react to this, and it seems has chosen to do nothing and stay away. Funny that. So f’n predictable, it makes me mad. Why can’t these people just once – just one bloddy time – change the f’n script!)
There have been so many times that someone says something nice to me, but I can’t hear it. Its like I suddenly go deaf. I actually feel my body trying to repel the compliment.
If there is even an inkling of negativity in a statement, I will assume the worst.
I did my 1st core belief today in “get out of stuck”. I’m going to really focus on extracting that negative belief one at a time.
I should have been a boy. No, my father wanted a boy. That’s his problem. God made me the way I’m suppossed to be. I’m glad I’m a girl. Today I painted my nails and dyed my hair. I don’t need to act like a man, I’m not one!
Thanks Natalie.
“If you think something about yourself or something that leaves you with no room for a positive outcome that leaves you in peace, something is very wrong. This is why it’s important to address your beliefs so that you can not only open up your options but you can take a leap of faith on yourself and believe in you and the possibilities instead of believing the worst. ”
Thanks Natalie-I put this up on a post it note on my mirror so I can read it everyday and it will be come apart of how I think positive about myself. That’s the only way to get rid of the negitive thoughts-replace them with the positive ones. It’s a big part of creating a healthier self image so we can have a stronger foundation to build our life and make healthier choices about what we do with OUR lives. Point is- we can CHOOSE what we think so why not make it something positve and helpful to us and not negitive and limiting. Practice practice practice!!! We can do it.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I’m actually in the middle of working on this, but you summed it up so well that you’ve just made my week a million times easier to handle. Thank you.
“He’s found someone better than me”
I can think of very few issues that are more destructive, than thinking that someone is “better” or “best”.
I will concede there is a guy that is better for any given girl than some bozo with character issues. But “best”? And for any given guy, mostly the men of good character are interested in “honest, honorable, respectful”.
Hint: The guys picking up numbers where alcohol is served is looking for a shag, not a change in mailing address. The most likely form of long-term relationship for the players and hunters and party animals – is a long-term date that never gets much past shacking up for convenience, for sex, for financial support, or a fallback nookie plan.
The question “Am I good enough?” should have a pass/fail answer. “No” means you have character issues to work on.
Because dressing “pretty” or “hot” – sexually provocative, emphasizing body parts or movement – targets the players, the skirt chasers. You may get dates and date offers, but the risks of any of them passing a test for “is this a bozo?” are slim. You cannot be “pretty enough” or “beautiful enough” if you consider makeup or dress in your answer. If a smile isn’t “good enough” for him, he isn’t looking for someone to share a life with.
Hmm, so speaks someone who does not know the joy of cinching in your waist and strutting out in heels. It’s got nothing to do with men, though men do insist on believing our world revolves around them. It’s for myself and for the compliments I get from the women at work.
Really not interested in dressing down to attract the right man, or indeed dressing in any particular way to attract men.
Grace–
I agree. COMPLETELY.
I also note that, when I met my own husband, he was very much interested in me–but only AFTER he had already gotten over an immediate previous crush on a woman (2 years older than me) who has always been the polar opposite of me!
Though we both come from privileged backgrounds, my background having been much more privileged than hers; though I had the elitist education (including grad school), while she only went to a local small “college”; though I dressed feminine, but not seductively (displaying breasts and/or breast size, as she always has–oh, and btw, hers are not real; and I have always been a real “C”); though I am wayyyy prettier (she has an ugly or, at best, average face); though I actually had a real job; though I have always been wayyy nicer and not a gossip or cruel or backstabbing at all; she with the hot body that she worked very hard at to show off had my husband, a decent, honorable guy, interested in her. (Until he finally saw, first, how spoiled rotten she was, and second, how she never got dates with guys of quality–she dated guys who wanted her for her body-showpiece–so here Brad is a BIT right.)
Anyways, to this day, yes, she is still single. Into her 40s, too. She deserves it, frankly. No man needs her (likely EU) crap.
See, my own husband had to GO THROUGH SEEING WHAT SHE WAS LIKE BEFORE WANTING THE NICE PERSON WHO HAD “IT ALL OVER” HER (except the body, though I have always been very thin, a size 2 or 4 max. Often a 0, even!)
Brad K,I never used to agree with you on the forum and you often used to irritate the hell out of me, but I think your comment here is spot on.Yes,on one level, we do dress and follow fashions for ourselves.Because we’re girls and girls like to dress up and look nice.And that’s a very positive thing.But you’re dead right when you say that if we’re dressing “hot” and hanging out in clubs or indeed on line trading on “hot” photos of ourselves,then all we’re going to attract are players whose idea of commitment is their latest conquest.I know because I was that girl, and all I got was a long line of players and assclowns before I wised up.”If a smile isn’t good enough for him,he isn’t looking for someone to share a life with” is very true and it is from a male perspective.And one we’d be wise to heed!
I agree! It’s obvious that women dress for guys in large part. Think of how many things women do to “make” men want us. Think about the covers of women’s magazines: “How to look hot!” “How to turn him on.” “What kind of look do guys like best?” Plus, we worry about our looks so much. Why? We want guys to still find us attractive.
I’m not saying that we only look good for guys, but when it comes to provocative dressing, tight clothes or even low-cut tops, obviously, that’s for the fellas.
I have to admit that I am confused by this post. I guess I am having trouble differentiating between a fear and a belief. I am afraid of rejection, but I don’t believe I will always be rejected (I was married for 13 years and have had successful relationships-mercifully only 1 assclown), so is it the fear that paints me into the corner? If something is a fear, is it inherently a belief? Am I missing something?
I am very familiar with the ‘not good enough’ feeling. But i think it’s important to get out of the mindset that having any old bloke is going to add something to your life. Before i was with my EUM (my first EUM experience) i was happily single and for me to choose to be with someone meant that they had to really bring something to the table and add to my life, otherwise i was happier on my own. If you are safe and contented in your own company (and believe in yourself) then the fear of rejection is minimised because you know that even if the guy you’re with rejects you, you will be ok, because you always have yourself.
i entered into a casual relationship with my EUM after being in a stable, loving relationship for 6 years that didn’t work out for various reasons, but that particular ex and i still remain on good terms as we were good friends first. After that I didn’t want anything serious and just wanted a bit of fun. EUM was very upfront about his commitment phobia, that the relationship wasn’t going anywere, he had nothing to offer etc, which was fine with me at first but then i fell for him despite myself. Eventually, after deluding myself that he would change, i realised he couldn’t give me what i wanted i ended it, but he and i still maintained (mainly drunken) contact over the two months we were apart, then he asked me to get back with him and i agreed because i still had feelings for him and hoped he would change, but it seemed like a watered down version of what we had before. Two weeks later he dumped me by email. I am now trying to move on and forget EUM. He said he dumped me because he doesn’t know what he wants in life. I was hurt at first and angry with myself for getting back with him, but in a way i’m glad i did as it was a ‘suck it and see’ experience in the end. i didn’t trust my judgement for a while, i felt repulsive because he rejected me and becuse he didn’t change for me. i have thought about it a lot and i am now glad he ended it because i feel that he did me a favour and didn’t sting me along. He said he wanted to be friends, but i said i couldn’t do that and have maintained NC for three weeks – he hasn’t tried to make contact either, even though we have mutual friends, which is good.
What i learned was that coming out of a serious relationship and getting into another one before you’ve processed the last one isn’t always the best idea. I am taking a relationship break, figuring out what i want and trying to learn not to doubt myself and get back to that place where i am enough on my own. i had it once and i can get it again.
@Minky: I did the same thing – ie straight out of a long-term, positive relationship (that ended for good reasons, even if unfortunate) and straight into the arms of a jumpy clown. I too really needed some time between innings, since I am sure part of the intensity of the AC romance was a function of me wanting it to offer a solution to or validation for my decision to leave my long-term relationship. And it also meant that I went in with the same level of trust and loyalty, and did not roll that out according to what the real conditions were. AC also would have, fairly, seen me as a bit unsteady myself.
As for this post, I think I paint myself into a corner in the way that I make life decisions very negative, instead of positive and mature. Eg instead of saying that I ended a relationship for X [very simple, honest] reasons, I make it a big deal about how I was too much for them or have some major, inherent problems with relationships. I find it hard to make decisions simple, positive and healthy. This just makes it harder to act and harder to heal when I do decide something. Same with this AC dumping me. I have made the situation far more dramatic in my mind that it really is, and have taken on way too many of his idiosyncracies, shall we say, as evidence of something about me. As a result of this type of thinking (which comes from, I think, classic parental messages growing up that revolved around the themes of how I am an inherently dangerous, demanding and faulty woman because I am intelligent, outgoing AND attractive…not entirely necessary to say to a 5 year old!), I set up in my mind love as something that is really intense, scary and probably, because of me, destined to fail (when, for the most part, in real life, I am sensible, nurturing and fairly well differentiated in my relationships), and then frame the only alternative as solitude (and focusing on my career etc). I make these, and many other, false binaries that aren’t even based on reality a lot of the time, let alone how other people I have been with have actually seen me. I have been proposed to three times in my life, and I find I can’t take it as a serious offer. This seems all very spoilt and it probably is, but it relates, in part (some of it just timing) to a belief that they can’t really want to accept me, that it’s all a bit of a joke, or if they do want to accept me, it’s to own or change me. I think that a marriage situation, for me, would have to be rushed into under some spell of denial or depression otherwise I would pick it apart and resist. I seem to be waiting form something unrealistic level of calmness. Like an AC (but minus the cruelty, cowardice and unaccountability!), I might be a bit attached to an impossible outcome, but I’d really like to change that.
(Or I am really not a marriage person, I’d like to own that!)
Or if I am really not a marriage/relationships person, I’d like to ‘own’ that instead of making it all negative.
@Elle, I know exactly where you’re coming from. I have owned up to the fact that i don’t want to get married, or ‘settle down’ in the traditional sense, i don’t want to start a family – i just don’t want my life to be all about that. i want to travel and experience the world, build a career. I would love it if i met someone just as free spirited but also devoted and committed – or are the two mutually exclusive?
i also know what you mean about viewing things negatively and not being able to make decisions simply. I can make decisions, but then i start over analysing and doubting whether i’ve made the RIGHT decision (part of the reason i got back with EUM) – it drives me mental!
it feels like everything you writting is addressed to me. My fear of not trusting, because of past actions, paints me in a corner…
Aplus-
Me, too! Its like “I make bad choices, so there is no way to be with someone because in the end they are no doubt an AC.” And of course it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I stayed wtih my AC because he seemed like the he was better than the worst situation I could think of relationship wise (in college had been in an abusive one)..so I thought “this is the best for me.” I have to learn not to settle, and to realize that setting boundries is a GOOD thing especially if it makes an AC show his true colors and leave!
I like the message here – that any belief in which there is no positive outcome limits you. If I believe I am not good enough, I will attract someone who shares that low opinion of me. Because I don’t believe I am good enough, I will put up with his assclownery, further reinforcing the belief. Once painted into my corner, my only option is to stay (horrible) or break free and attack the belief (tough but the only way). The sheer volume of negative messages, chatter and beliefs rattling around my head has been one of the great discoveries for me – scary at first but then once I tuned in to it, I began to learn alot. It is sad how little I think of myself, given my accomplishments and supposed success in life. No matter how badly the assclown thought of me, it may have been absolutely glowing in comparison to how I think of me. This thought has been the slap in the face I needed. Once again, Natalie, you are changing lives. Please don’t stop.
Good words Debra… I agree that attacking the beliefs is the only way forward. I think the process takes a while because the beliefs I /many women have had have been built up over many years. They do affect other bits of your life too, how you act around friends,behave to otthers in general. The last time I had anything to do with my ex was almost two years ago and now I actually laugh at some of the ways I thought about myself and the relationship. The only thing that still bugs me is when in the process of getting over it,talking it through,sharing how bad it was someone will say…well if it was that bad you’re never going to get over it. As if you are permanently disfigured by a brand on your forehead that says ‘damaged goods’. I am stronger now because I experienced it.
I must admit to feeling like a student working on a tough new assignment.I’ve already filled in the worksheet from Getting out of Stuck, but,possibly because I have some negative beliefs which are deeply entrenched,I’m actually finding it very difficult.I’m confused as to what my beliefs are and I think they’re closely allied to my fears.Like so many others who’ve commented, I’ve also been plagued with this feeling of not being good enough,despite being high achieving and successful in other areas of my life.I’ve watched all my friends,one by one, find their guy and settle down,some a lot less pretty and clever than me and I went through a phase where I was very bitter and jealous and wallowing in self pity. But at least I have gotten that negativity out of my system, however I still don’t feel comfortable hearing about other people’s happy families, because it brings back the old feelings of being “different” to other women,being “not as good” as other women and being to a large extent,a “failure” as a woman because I’m still out there looking for my man long after my sell by date.[I’m also one of the older ladies].I guess I’ve just identified the beliefs that are keeping me stuck! However,while I do agree,that negativity and looking at worse case future scenarios do not serve our interests,it is very hard to get out of stuck without some positive reinforcement. It’s been almost two years since I’ve faced up to my drama issues,yet all I’ve met in that time are more assclowns,both new ones and the ones from my past who,as a friend wittily put it,”periodically come up for air”. Ok so I don’t buy their crap anymore, but it is still quite damaging because it seems to reinforce my negative feelings about men and relationships.But thank you,Natalie,for all you are doing and thanks to everyone for sharing their stories.It sure is good to know that I’m not the only one and I will keep trying.
Yep, you know what they are saying is a complete lie – yet when you go to yourself you panic, too afraid to trust your own judgement because although you know it’s a lie, there is an emotional wound somewhere inside that says you over-ride your own feelings regardless to be accepted/loved by this person.