Describing a relationship as 50:50 divides it in half, which is very subjective. How can anyone say what doing ‘their share’ is? A 50:50 mentality in relationships causes us to keep score.
Instead of answering the question, Are we both being loving partners?, in 50:50 relationships it’s, Is each person ponying up their half of the relationship?
Um, half of what? And what are we leaving off of the relationship table in the process?
Remember that infamous line from the 1996 movie Jerry Maguire? Believing relationships are 50:50 causes us to enter relationships with a ‘You complete me’ mentality. By feeling as if someone is our ‘missing piece’ or even that a romantic relationship is the answer, the solution, we see romantic partners as the source of our happiness and fulfilment. We might even see it as our partner’s ‘job’ to make us happy.
Sometimes we also have fixed ideas about what each person’s role in the relationship entails. Of course, even if we’re unaware of it, we define their role on ours. For instance, we take our perception of our strengths, weaknesses, tasks and jobs and then expect partner to fill the blanks. It’s no wonder so many of us feel in debt post-breakup.
Assuming we give up 50% of who we are in romantic relationships while expecting each party to be responsible for the other half is just straight-up messy. It’s a bad foundation for a relationship and will ultimately wind up frustrating each partner.
Given it takes two to make a relationship, the people in it make the relationship. There are no ‘half people’, only wholes. We cannot cut each other in half anymore than we can do that to a relationship, so we need to stop with the 50:50 malarkey and show up. Healthy, intimate, loving relationships are 100:100. When we break away from roles, jobs and filling voids, our relationships get to be more intimate and fulfilling.
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