I had a conversation with a friend the other day. She was complaining to me that she wanted a boyfriend but couldn’t find one. “Have you been looking?” I asked.
“Yes, but none of the guys here fit my criteria. They are either of Spanish origins, under-educated (she has a Master’s), non Christian, have a baby, too old for me, too young for me, not attractive to me, too short, don’t have their own car, not intelligent enough or still live with their mothers,” she responded.
I found a hard time believing her. There cannot be something wrong with every single guy in Miami. It’s frickin’ Florida!! The sun shines all the time and all those buff, tanned bodies are just walking around waiting to get picked up. Of course, we have totally opposite ways of looking at it.
No matter where I’ve lived, from a village with only 2 stoplights, to a metropolitan city whose male populance is predominantly gay, I’ve found a dating pool that soon had me juggling dates. There is no such thing as a city with no date-able men. Nada! It’s just an excuse created by women who have either given up searching or haven’t even dated at all. Do you expect Mr. Right to just plop into your lap while you are at home eating Bonbons?
I’ve always been a big believer in having a Master List. But when your Master List rules out 99.9% of the male populance, please don’t complain to me that you are having a hard time meeting men. ‘Nuff said.
You cannot meet the guy that’s right for you if you don’t put yourself out there. You cannot put yourself out there if you don’t date. You cannot date if you keep rejecting every single guy that asks you out. I’m not saying date every Tom, Dick and Harry—but at least, cut these guys a little slack. Have a coffee date at least, you never know, you might hit it off!
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Sounds like good advice — be a little bit understanding at the get go, then tighten up your criteria as you go along.
Why does she want a boyfriend? Someone to share time with, someone to cuddle and/or be skin-to-skin intimate with? Someone to assure her she is desirable, accomplished? Someone to raise a baby with?
What has she done to make herself attractive to the guy she wants in her life? Brushed up on parenting skills, work with children by babysitting, helping friends and neighbors with kids?
Has she networked — with attached women. A bunch of singles, men or women, seems great for ‘what are you doing’ sessions, but weak for ‘how did you succeed?’ advice. If she wants to hang out at a night club for the entire duration of a relationship, then she shouldn’t spend much time anywhere else — the guy she meets won’t be happy with her goals. If she wants a comfortable, stable home life, she shouldn’t spend any time at all at night clubs or where singles go to have fun.
Many people that want a quiet, stable relationship avoid the places that cater to singles. There may be only one or two people that know they are actually available. The more people that know and respect the life you *want* to lead — whether married, night clubbing, farming, whatever — that know you are looking, the more likely they will help you meet someone they know and like.
Maybe hang out at alumni functions, return to school for a few classes if education level is important. Just don’t confuse excitement about a ‘hot’ date with the comfort of a stable relationship. If you want a relationship, and not a series of hot dates.
Oops! I forgot an important point. The smile. Does your friend have a comfortable, happy smile?
I just visualized a nekkid woman. Does she shave her legs, or elsewhere? (maybe not) Piercings or tattoos? (not for me!)
But the smile. That is crucial. Any ‘fashion’ look can probably find you a ‘date’ somewhere. But for me, she has to look comfortable in her life. And I need to see a welcoming and friendly smile. I would worry about anyone that *wants* to date a woman not having fun.
If she isn’t happy now, have your friend resolve the problems before she dates. Dates have enough baggage anyway. And expect *him* to shine a bit, too. Fun may not be everything, but if you don’t bring it with you, no one else will.
Nice points guys! Brad—you should have written a whole article like that for us:)
Saying that there are no good guys to date is a cop out. I think we can be very harsh about what constitutes a good date or a good guy and I think we need to adjust our expectations! Great post!
Hmmmm…sometimes we do limit ourselves too much in what we will or will not accept. But there are some things that are negotioable and somethings that aren’t…except for a few possibly valid concerns, your friends list is a bit on the shallow side…it is difficult when you’re looking for specific criteria, but not impossible. There are a lot of great, single men out there….sometimes they’re just overlooked…