When something happened in your childhood that you didn’t like the look or feel of, you searched for reasons to explain it. Often, this meant making yourself the focal point of that reason, even though it might not have had anything to do with you. You reached conclusions like, ‘It’s my fault!’ or ‘I’m not loved/good enough’. If used more than a couple of times in similar situations, you developed a habit of this reasoning. You’ve then applied the reasoning habit many times in various situations where it doesn’t belong.
At twenty-eight, I realised that because I’d always blamed being ‘not good enough’ for my parents’ breakup when I was two, I chose unavailable partners who corroborated my beliefs. Repeating outdated, exaggerated, distorted, and outright untrue beliefs keeps you limited and stuck in patterns that don’t serve you. We all act in line with our beliefs, meaning that you have consciously and subconsciously altered your behaviour and choices to fit these as a means of protection, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Unquestioned beliefs and stories are at the heart of all painful relationships. When we say we desire a loving relationship, but our pattern is something else, we need to examine the discrepancies — the untruths. The irony is that our untruths often represent double standards; we wouldn’t blame another child, let alone another adult, for the same thing.
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