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Just Because You’ve Agreed To Something Previously, It Doesn’t Mean That You ‘Should’ Do So Again

At this time of year, I hear from many people battling against what they perceive as the weighty expectations of their nearest and dearest about Christmas/The Holidays. In their heart of hearts, they don’t want to agree to the request, obligation, or assumed...

Other People’s Behaviour: Why do you want it to be about you?

by NATALIE | Self

When you find that you’re persisting down the Other People’s Behaviour Is All About Me track and are getting stuck on blame, ask yourself, “Why do I want it to be about me?” What are you getting out of making it all about you? Something about blame feels...

There’s a difference between personality and character

by NATALIE | Self

Earlier this year, I explained how ‘charming’ tends to be a precursor to code red problems. Mistaking charm for being indicative of other characteristics and values is an example of where we fall into the trap of mistaking personality for character, which is...

Take the focus off them and bring it back to you

by NATALIE | Self

Our relationships romantic and otherwise, give us a window into understanding who we are and where we need to step up for ourselves. When we find that we’re experiencing the lather, rinse, repeat of the same type of person in a different package and the...

Being Passive and a Pleaser Can Make You a Sitting Duck for Unavailable Relationships

by NATALIE | Self

Sound familiar? You’re agreeable and try not to be or do anything that would give your date an opinion on you. Unsure of who you are and what you want, you rely on others to direct you. You’re also afraid of who you truly are being wrong. As a result, you...

When they collect friendships with exes, get out of the harem!

by NATALIE | Boundaries

Chatting with a friend recently, it became obvious that she was rather enamoured with a super ambiguous guy. A little probing revealed, however, that he has a hell of a lot of female friends. A lot. Like when you see those shows about hoarders where they can barely...

Moving past ambiguous situations: It’s OK to take a step back when they say that they’re not interested

by NATALIE | Boundaries

When two people are romantically interested in each other, they make it known and it doesn’t turn into this long, drawn out, ambiguous rigamarole of wondering whether or not they’re interested. It’s because one or both parties are being ambiguous why...

Are You Comfortable With Your Status Quo?

by NATALIE | Self

If you’ve ever been involved with a Mr/Miss Unavailable, you will be familiar with being managed right down into their status quo. Imagine that on a scale of 1-10, their status quo is liking things to be around a 5. Whatever Mr/Miss Unavailable does, whether it’s...

‘I Can Change Him/Her’ syndrome: Don’t tie your worth to trying to control the uncontrollable

by NATALIE | Self

When people share their stories with me and a recurring theme emerges, I ask: If we look at this story a different way, why are you consistently attracted to and involved with partners who pretty much need to spontaneously combust into another person with a different...

When we’re afraid of letting ourselves or others ‘off the hook’

by NATALIE | Healing the Past

Being let off the hook is about being released out of what could be an unpleasant or at the very least difficult situation, or being released out of something that we don’t want to do. When we feel that we or someone is on the hook for something, it’s fundamentally...

Buffers: When You’re The One That They Turn To When They’re Unhappy With Their Current Relationship

by NATALIE | Boundaries

We are creatures of habit and have to pay close attention to where there are running themes in our lives because it points to where we are not only repeating a pattern of thinking and behaviour but that we’re doing so because we’re getting something out of...

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I’ve been running Baggage Reclaim since September 2005, and I’ve spent many thousands of hours writing this labour of love. The site has been ad-free the entire time, and it costs hundreds of pounds a month to run it on my own. If what I share here has helped you and you’re in a position to do so, I would love if you could make a donation. Your support is so very much appreciated! Thank you.

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Just Because You’ve Agreed To Something Previously, It Doesn’t Mean That You ‘Should’ Do So Again

Other People’s Behaviour: Why do you want it to be about you?

There’s a difference between personality and character

Take the focus off them and bring it back to you

Being Passive and a Pleaser Can Make You a Sitting Duck for Unavailable Relationships

When they collect friendships with exes, get out of the harem!

Moving past ambiguous situations: It’s OK to take a step back when they say that they’re not interested

Are You Comfortable With Your Status Quo?

‘I Can Change Him/Her’ syndrome: Don’t tie your worth to trying to control the uncontrollable

When we’re afraid of letting ourselves or others ‘off the hook’

Buffers: When You’re The One That They Turn To When They’re Unhappy With Their Current Relationship

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