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Hi Natalie, I really enjoyed this episode, especially the second half.
It took me a very long time to realise that I’m not the only person in the world who makes mistakes. It would make me feel very lonely.
I was raised in a narcissistic family and then repeated it in my romantic relationship as well, so I was used to taking all the blame and walking on eggshells. I would even gaslight myself that I was just a peacemaker and that I should be in fact proud of my role.
I only recently started recognising that the inner critic is not me. For many years, I would hear from my ex partner or even my mum (whenever I didn’t meet the standards) that I was a stupid nobody and that I was weak and worthless.
I’ve been by myself for 18 months now and until recently, I would still repeat these words to MYSELF. They would just appear in my mind randomly during the day, simply because they were so deeply engraved. I’m a nobody. I’m stupid. I’m worthless.
I have a dog and so it just hit me one day that I had never ever said anything like that to him. I love him and praise him a lot. I do correct his behaviour when needed but I wouldn’t call him names or tear him down. So why am I believing and saying those things to myself? Shouldn’t I love myself too?
Last week, I hang a flowery post note on my fridge where I wrote: my inner critic is NOT my inner voice. So it’s been fun to listen to your podcast now and to nod, nod, nod!
Thank you for another great episode, Natalie!
I really appreciate you sharing your story, Tru. I can so relate. When I was living on my own and was just starting to recognise my unhealthy relationship with myself, I realised that I’d spent the day raging at myself. It took until 9pm for me to realise it, and I was shocked. I realised that I was so used to mine and other people’s criticism that I didn’t even think it was odd! You’re so right that you wouldn’t speak to or about anyone else in this way. And what divine timing that you put that lovely note on your fridge and then heard the podcast — so validating!
I believe I was a horrible partner, it was a lot times I was selfish and not good at relationships. I feel bad I was angry because We weren’t close as I wanted, so I was moody and on edge a lot. I do feel I should’ve been more Patient and not go off on everything idk. I feel I pushed him away I’d get mad a lot. Once I picked him up from work at 11:30 at night the same time I got a call that my son was caught drunk at his high school dance. X told me to take him home first then go on ahead to the school, which I was by the expressway and going to drop him at my house would’ve been going out the way. I went off I felt he should’ve offered to ride with me it was just about 12am my son is huge for his age drunk and I needed help with him and for him to say take him home first just was weird to me. I feel like maybe he was too tired to ride with me and when I said are u gonna let me ride far north by myself this late and struggle with my teenage son and he said u know what ok I will go. I still think as mad and I just did a you turn and took him to his place which was close to his job I was picking him up that night because he didn’t have a car and so happened I got the call about my son. So I went off and I took him home when he initially was going to my place because we usually spent a lot of time together when he got off . It just felt odd that he was my boyfriend and in mid night did not want to ride to the school with me to get my son. Idk I just felt he should’ve offered to ride with me. I look back on that and I see I could’ve handled that differently maybe mention it to him and then let him decide which he did decide he would go but it felt weird that he initially didn’t feel like he should automatically want to go with me it was late cold and from the conversation with the school my son was having a problem. My son had been going thru depression in high school and bf knew this my son was at school brung liquor was drunk and acting erratically I was scared to go by myself his Dad is not alive for me to ask him. Bf knee this I just felt he didn’t want to be there for me but at the same time he had just got off work idk
Hi Brigget, is it fair and reasonable to say that you were a “horrible partner”? Truth be told, in any loving relationship, there are going to be times, moments, where we are not our best selves. No, that doesn’t give us carte blanche to do whatever the hell we like, but fact is, we’re going to be moody, say the wrong thing and possibly act like a tit at times. I see someone who was very overwhelmed and feeling undersupported and who didn’t know how to articulate it. You seem very aware of all of the reasons why he was how he was. Don’t you need that same compassion for you? Sometimes humans don’t know how to act in situations — you didn’t and neither did he. The outcome (the situation with your son and feeling let down) was not a one-time thing and it was the expression of what was going on before that. With the benefit of hindsight, you can acknowledge that your anger was the clue that you were not taking care of you and your boundaries and that the relationship wasn’t meeting your needs. Try to be more honest with you about what happened. You can take responsibility without blaming and shaming you, but also without ignoring the bigger picture of what was going on in your relationship.
Sorry for all the typos