These days the peer pressure starts when you’re barely out of nappies and your under pressure to have a bigger and better goody bag at your birthday party, so it’s no surprise that when your best friend decides to get married, it may feel like the sky is falling in…not just for you, but for your poor boyfriend. It’s not that you’re not happy for your friend and excited about her big day, it’s just that her doing the big white deed throws a big spotlight on you about what you and him care or aren’t doing. By the time the big day rolls around, it may feel like you’re being made to go for two root canals and having all of your wisdom teeth removed at the same time.
You have to accept that people are 1) nosey, 2) tactless, 3) avoiding their own problems, and 4) very good at projecting their own insecurities onto others. Whilst it’s understandable that you may feel pissed off about what feels like a pressure and an intrusion into your own relationship, you need to keep things in perspective and not actually allow the pressure to take its toll.
Remember:
Present a united front. When people get annoyed about the pressure and being badgered about their relationship, sometimes the annoyance stems from being uncertain as to the status of the relationship or other tensions that may exist. It is a lot harder to maintain your composure over the impending nuptials if you and your boyfriend aren’t seeing eye to eye, or there are existing commitment issues. Make the pressure from others a private joke between the two of you and you can always play pranks on people at the wedding to capitalise on their nosiness.
If you’re going to discuss commitment with your boyfriend, do it because it’s what the relationship needs, not because you need to massage your insecurity about your friends wedding. Men do have a nose for de facto ‘nagging’ so when your friend gets pregnant/engaged/planning a wedding/the perfect job, he does brace himself for an earful. Whilst he may expect it though, it doesn’t make him receptive and he will feel irritated and pressured if he feels like you’re keeping up with the Joneses.
It’s their day, not yours. If you remember this, you’ll have no problem reminding others. Deflect back to the happy couple and don’t offer up too much information about your own relationship plans.
Their pressure shouldn’t become your pressure. Sometimes we have to rise above things or make a wisecrack or a sarky comment, and this is definitely one of those occasions. It’s one thing when your friends wedding throws a spotlight on your relationship, but it’s another when you grab the spotlight and shove your relationship under a microscope and apply your own pressure.
Tell your best friend to back off if needed. Weddings are not common colds where if you stick to your best friend like glue for long enough they suddenly become catching, hence whilst it’s great that your friend has decided to get married, they don’t need to keep making comments about you doing it.
Flip it around. When people pry into your relationship and ask when you’re going to get married, flip it around and ask them personal questions about their relationship. The conversation should come to an end pretty quickly.
Be real with yourself. Sometimes what other people are doing is a major boot up the arse for us. If you’ve been resting on your laurels and settling for less, then the occasion may actually make you realise this, and that’s not a bad thing. If you’re operating from a positive place where you are doing what is best for you, then do what needs to be done. But equally be honest with yourself about whether you are being insecure, jealous, envious etc and throwing all of your toys out of the pram. It will stop you from souring things around you and enable you to enjoy her wedding. Which leads me to…
Enjoy the damn wedding. Trust me, if you go around with a face like a smacked arse in the run up to and during the wedding, you’ll always be remembered as the sour faced friend who couldn’t be happy for her. If you truly are friends, you’ll put aside the negatives and focus on the positives. Laugh, dance, chat, and join in on the bouquet catching action, but remember: you don’t need to catch a bouquet to determine your bridal future!
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