Hello, my name is NYM and I am a jerkoholic. I am addicted to dating assholes.

Anyone who’s read my blog knows that I have a history of dating assholes, dweebs and scumbags. My very first date happened when I was 15. I’m 33 now, so that’s 18 years worth of losers. And yes, before you ask, I do understand that I’m the common denominator in this equation. It’s obvious that I have shit taste in men, continue to make poor dating and relationship choices, and have yet to fully understand what attracts me to the same creeps. Thankfully, I am aware of my problem and am taking action to correct it.

Starting today, I am going cold turkey and am officially on a Dating Hiatus. For the next few months, I refuse to go on any dates. Not only will this give me some time to try to really examine why I continue to get fished in by the same type of psychopaths and borderline personalities, but it will allow me to focus on some new career and financial goals which I’m committed to reaching within the next 24 months. There is no more time to waste on men with whom any kind of relationship can only end in disaster. And I have even less time to waste on the emotional fallout.

The only thing I find disturbing about the Dating Hiatus is the reaction I’ve received upon telling people. The initial response is of disbelief. People think I’m kidding and they chuckle as if the notion of a single woman voluntarily taking herself out of the dating game for any length of time is the most ridiculous and absurd thing they’ve ever heard. When I tell them that I’m serious about it, they invariably say, “But why?” When I explain the logic behind the insanity, they always finish with, “Now that you’re not looking for it, you’ll meet someone, as if to reassure me that fate will rescue me with true love.

DUH.

I feel like rewriting the first line of ‘Pride and Prejudice’ to read, “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of good or bad fortune must be in want of a husband.”

What the hell is wrong with people? Why is coupledom the end all and be all? The unspoken universal truth is that people don’t think a person (especially a female person) can be truly happy in a single state. That’s complete bullsh*t.

My life is exciting and fulfilling as it is. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve never wanted children, or that I learned at an early age that relationships don’t all end in “happily ever after”, or a combination of both, but I’ve never been the kind of woman who has made it a mission in life to find a husband. I know that I am the only one who is responsible for and capable of making myself happy and content. There is no man who will be capable of “completing me”. I need to be a complete and happy person in order to find a man who is also content with himself.

So, I’m taking some time off now to work on me and my life. My hope is that when I do decided to get back into the dating rat race, I’ll have a clearer head and will be capable of making sane and rational decisions.

Maybe I need a twelve-step program. Yes, I think I’ll start JA, Jerkoholics Anonymous. Anyone up for a meeting?

Hello, my name is NYM and I am a jerkoholic. I have been clean and jerk free for 48 hours!

About the author: After receiving a nice, wholesome upbringing in a typical Midwestern town of the US, this intelligent, witty, and frequently snarky chick, craving adventure, managed to receive her first real-world instruction on the streets of Paris. After that eye opening and somewhat harrowing experience, on a whim, she moved to The Big Apple where she was permanently corrupted. She’s an armchair psychologist and enjoys analyzing herself and others, while maintaining a deep appreciation for the ironies of life.

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