1. Be emotionally unavailable yourself – even if you don’t know it
2. Be secretly afraid of commitment – even if you make noises about wanting a relationship
3. Have very bendable standards that accommodate his dubious relationship habits – because this is what ‘unconditional love’ means
4. Be cynical about love – after all, don’t you secretly believe that all men hurt you in the end?
5. Decide to play the field and not get into anything serious – even though the moment he starts not being serious you’ll be wondering why he’s not more committed
6. Be completely oblivious to signs of his self absorbency and unwillingness to be emotionally available -even if he spells it out in black and white…
7. Have your relationship toolset at the ready for your next fixer upper project, after all, if you keep on putting the energy into this empty man and do your best to change him, he’ll come around eventually…or your efforts will benefit the next woman when he suddenly decides that he’s ready to be emotionally available…
8. Be insecure, with low self-esteem – because you know you’ll feel better if the right guy comes along…misery does love company and it’s better than being single…
9. Stick around even if he has multiple women on the go, has a girlfriend, is engaged or married – because if you stick around long enough, he’ll see how great you are and you will get to be #1.After all, people do buy the cow after drinking the milk for free…
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Yeah, this is so true. Now, if we could just stop doing this, just stop damnit, NOW! Somebody rescue me FROM ME!
You described exactly me. In about 20 years I had been in love with a married man, who after 10 years divorced his wife and married to somebody else, desperately in love with two men who clearly told me that they were not in love with me (both started with sex which was the reason I fell in love). When a man was good to me it never made me interested. When a man did not love me it triggered my heart so I did all I could to pursue him. What’s the matter with me? I know I have a problem but I just can’t change the way how I feel. I know I have low self-esteem. I tried so hard to change myself. Sometimes I wonder why I was made as this.
Joanne,
I feel your pain. I think that it all stems to childhood. Did you have an absent father? Do you see similiarities in your mother. My mother was a devoted traditional married woman. She was married for almost 30 years, and all those years I never saw her stand up for herself. I saw that my father held the power to walk away, and my mother gave him that power.
In realtionships now, I cannot find the spark when I meet a nice man, and even though I am aware of what is happening, I can’t help my feelings. I end up not likign him, he is too boring for me. On the other hand, when a man is distant, I find myself more attracted to him.
One more thing Joanne.
I have recently lost almost 100 pounds, and the thing I realize is that my self esteeem has improved drastically, but deep down I am still the “fat” girl. I am workign hard to change that.
Ana, I feel exactly like you do. If a man is nice to me I find him too boring. I can only find sparks with jerks. But I am starting to think that “spark” really isn’t attraction, its fear.
Congatulations on losing 100 lbs. That is terrific!
The void we feel inside is often of a spiritual nature. It is filled with anxiety.