Well women, we’ve won the right to vote, we’ve won the right to wear trousers, we’ve even won the right to equal pay for equal work.Well, at least in the U.S. of A. we have. But along with all of these “rights” have we also won the right to ask a man on a date? Have we won the right to ask for a man’s phone number? Have we won the right to pay for a date?
As gender roles become less and less distinct, it creates difficulty in the dating world. On one hand, a society with strictly defined gender roles eliminates confusion and awkwardness. Each person knows exactly what he or she is obligated to do, to say, and to expect. On the other hand, it’s dis-empowering, unfair, confining, demeaning, belittling, etc.
As women have become more educated and independent, we no longer require a husband to support us and this fact has changed the face of courting. If women may earn just as much money as men, why should they not be able to invite a man out and pay for a date? Or why should a woman not be able to ask for a man’s number and make the first call?
People will say that it should be left up to men to make the first move because the male sex are “hunters.” That it is essential to the power structure of the relationship. That it is essential to the power structure of the species, and that if a female makes the first move, the man will, for the duration of the relationship, feel as if he wasn’t in control in the relationship. And there are also a lot of women who enjoy being “old-fashioned” and feel it’s a sign of weakness for a man not to make the first move, or they just simply enjoy the ‘traditional” progression of relationships.
This kind of shite just makes me want to vomit. Particularly when this crap is coming from women. I wonder if these same women feel uncomfortable with the right to vote and the right to own property and the right to decide what happens to their own bodies.
And I get equally nauseated at the “men are hunters/women are gatherers” argument. Yes, humans are animals, but we have evolved. We are sentient beings. We can speak. We can reason (well, most of us). Is that all we are reduced to? Animal instincts? Maybe I’m expecting too much, but am I the only one out there who believes that we should make the effort to overcome our basic animal instincts? I suppose that we could just chuck thousands of years of evolution and revert back to the days of Cro Magnum Man. The males could go out hunting for meat, and the women could stay close to the caves gathering nuts and berries and then at night the alpha males could mate with the females doggy-style.
I do believe that there are a lot of men whose egos are much too fragile to allow them to carry on a relationship with a woman who makes the first move. And those are probably the same men whose egos are much too fragile to allow them to carry on a relationship with a woman who makes more money than them, or who has a career that is much more successful than theirs, or who has opinions about politics. Does this mean that women should not work at all? Or that women should only hold menial jobs so that they will never surpass men in earning or career potential?
Are women so desperate to be in relationships that they are willing to continue to be dis-empowered? No, you can’t call a man. You might scare him away. No, you can’t ask a man out. You might scare him away. No, you can’t pay on a date. You might scare him away. No, you can’t be opinionated. You might scare him away. No, you can’t make more than him. You might scare him away.
If a man’s ego is compromised by the simple fact of a woman asking him out, then I believe that he’s unworthy of her attentions.
I for one do not want a man who is not secure enough with himself to be able to accept a woman asking him out on a date. And I know for a fact there are men out there who feel that women are their equals and it makes no difference to them who makes the first move. These are the men we women should be trying to find instead of lowering our standards for pathetically insecure men.
Let’s get it together women!
Check out the fabulous NYM’s blog
Add to favorites 
… And I know for a fact there are men out there who feel that women are their equals and it makes no difference to them who makes the first move…
I’ll bet that these men, you speak of ,are gay.
….Are women so desperate to be in relationships that they are willing to continue to be dis-empowered? No, you can’t call a man. (TRUE, UNLESSS IT IS FOR A HOOK-UP)
No, you can’t ask a man out. You might scare him away. (TRUE. AN AGRESSIVE WOMEN MAKE A NORMAL GUY NERVOUS, UNLESS SHE IS IN HIS BED) )
No, you can’t pay on a date. (FALSE, TREATS ARE JUST FINE, AND PAYING FOR THE CAB, BACK TO YOUR PLACE, TO GET IT ON, IS JUST FINE, ALSO.)
No, you can’t be opinionated.(FALSE, BECAUSE WE HAVE THE ABILITY TO TUNE YOU OUT, WHILE PRETENDING TO BE LISTENING INTENTLY.)
No, you can’t make more than him. (FALSE, AS LONG AS YOU DON’T MENTION IT TO OFTEN, AND PAY FOR US TO GO, ON OCCASIONAL, HUNTING AND GATHERING TRIPS.
Badgerbob,
What you need is a good, long, spanking!
Speaking as a straight man… I feel that women are equal to men in many respects. I also believe that there are fundamental differences that no amount of legislation/psychological empowerment can “correct,” but I won’t get into those.
Speaking as a Southern man, I’ve been raised to hold doors for women, pay for them when we go out, and be the “bread-winner” for my family unit. I realize, and accept, that a woman is capable of holding her own door, paying her own way, and making just as much as I do in the workplace. But it doesn’t feel “natural.” It’s just not the way I was raised.
So does that make me a caveman? Does wanting a wife who will stay home and cook and raise the children mean I’m some relic from a prehistoric era? I don’t feel outdated. And I sure as hell respect any woman who is willing to take that role.
Hey Suckey,
I think the main point is about choice. Everyone is different, yes. But I believe we should all have the right to the same choices. I can’t stand when people say that women or men should do “X” because of their gender.
If being the breadwinner at home makes you happy, and your wife is happy with it, then good for you. I, on the other hand, am not looking for that kind of arrangement. But you have your choice, your wife has hers, and I have mine. As long as everyone is free to do what feels good and they allow everyone else to be free to do what feels good, then we’re all happy.
To prove how equal I think women are to men, I’m going to punch the first woman I see today right in the mouth. I know, I know; I’m such a feminist.
Hey MM 🙂 And will you be delivering this punch before or after she rips off your genetalia?
Before I would imagine. I would prefer her reaction be to hit me right back–the sexes are equal, you see.
The main problem is our society puts far too much emphasis on being in a romantic relationship, and as a consequence, people date and marry inappropriate partners, while following a bunch of silly, antiquated rules and expectations. That’s why there’s so much confusion and a 50% divorce rate.
In the long run, though, what fricking difference does it make who asks who out? One asks, the other accepts or refuses. The result is the same, either way.
I’m with Amused! Girls, you want to ask, go for it!
Guys, get used to it, and enjoy being the “hunted” for a change. I figure if a guy is scared away by a girl calling him or asking him out, Good Riddance!
I just don’t understand all the fuss:
W: Hey, want to get a drink after work?
M: Um, yeah, sure – why not?
**WOMAN SUCCESSFULLY ASKING MAN OUT**
W: Hey, want to get a drink after work?
M: Um, no, I’m married/taken/gay/neanderthalic.
**WOMAN UNSUCCESSFULLY ASKING MAN OUT**
Both scenarios pass within a few seconds, and neither one leaves a scar.
As for picking up the tab, the asker’s the payer, in my book, which, in starting out with a meek, mild after work drink, still leaves a lot of room for some guy to hoist his cajones and decide to spring for dinner, if things are going well.
win/win.
talk amongst yourselves.