Breaking the Control Habit: Why I wrote my new book LET GO

In this week’s episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I chat with JP from The Pound Project about my new mini memoir Let Go, which explores my relationship with control and letting go over the past decade. We discuss how this book came to be – from our initial conversations about grief in December, through my cancer diagnosis in February, to realising I was writing exactly what I needed during one of the most uncertain times of my life.

I share why I chose to be vulnerable about family breakups, chronic illness, loss, and learning to trust life even when everything feels out of control. JP and I explore what letting go actually means (spoiler: it’s not a onetime event), how telling ourselves the truth is the foundation of release, and why sometimes the most loving thing we can do is stop trying so hard. Let Go is available as a limited-edition crowdfunded book until August 5th, 2025, exclusively through The Pound Project.

IN THIS EPISODE…

• True letting go is an ongoing process, not a onetime event. You have to keep releasing and choosing to let go repeatedly because the instinct to pick things back up and cling to them will return. It’s about changing your mentality and choices around what you’re holding onto, rather than expecting a single moment of release to solve everything.
• Letting go often requires accepting that you’re not in control of outcomes, which can be particularly challenging for people who learned to use effort and worthiness to try to manage their circumstances. The core of many control struggles is not trusting in life or yourself, leading to exhausting attempts to control the uncontrollable.
• Writing and sharing vulnerable personal stories serve as both healing for the author and permission for readers to stop shaming themselves for their own experiences. When we witness others’ struggles with complicated family relationships, loss, or professional setbacks, it helps us feel less alone and more normal in our own tough experiences.
• Telling yourself the truth is fundamental to letting go. Many people hold on to elaborate stories and judgments that obscure the facts that would set them free. Being honest about your own patterns and limitations, while also being kind to yourself about timing, creates space for genuine release rather than self-criticism.
• Sometimes what feels like ‘coincidence’ or ‘poor timing’ is actually exactly what you need. Writing about letting go while navigating a cancer diagnosis wasn’t unfortunate timing; it was the perfect opportunity to practice and deepen the very lessons being explored, demonstrating how life often provides the experiences we need to learn from.

LINKS MENTIONED AND RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

• Let Go, my new mini memoir available only from The Pound Project for a limited time.
• Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl
• The Joy of Saying No
• Ep. 290: People-Pleasing Styles: What Your Pattern Reveals About Your Past and Present
• Ep. 204: Let’s Talk About Family Estrangement
• Ep. 287: Estrangement Lessons: Why I Had to Break up With My Mother
• Ep. 292: Overextended and Overwhelmed: The Real Reason You Procrastinate
• Ep. 291: Trusting Myself Through an Unexpected Health Journey
• Ep. 293: It’s Not Too Late: Karen Arthur on Reinventing Yourself in Midlife and Beyond
• Ep. 166: We’ve Got To Stop Pumping People Up With Our Great Expectations
• Ep. 195: Are you being nice, or are you disguising anger and control?
• Ep. 234: *Sometimes* We’re Controlling in Our Relationships
• I Broke Up with My Mother part one
• Beyond The Regret Hangover: Thoughts On Letting Go
• Letting Go of a Relationship That Doesn’t Exist
• Is The ‘Rejection’ Really About You? (Yep, Still Working On Letting Go)
• Letting Go of the Control Reins: The Path to True Emotional Autonomy
• This is why not letting go of the wrong relationship blocks our happiness and growth
• Why you’ve got to stop letting that difficult career or educational experience define your perception of you
• When we’re afraid of letting ourselves or others ‘off the hook’
• Forgiveness Made Simpler
• 11 Signs You’re Withholding Self-Forgiveness and Being Super Hard on Yourself
• Creating Healthier Boundaries Lets You Move On and Forgive Yourself
• Why you haven’t allowed you to move on: self-criticism is an expression of an unmet need
• Tips for Managing Tinnitus

SUPPORT THE PODCAST

Donate to the podcast tip jar

CONNECT WITH ME

• Leave a voice note for the podcast
• Sign up for my newsletter
• Follow me on Instagram 
• Follow me on TikTok
• Baggage Reclaim Facebook page 

Add to favorites