I watched an episode of Nip/Tuck a few months ago where the character Julie McNamara had been faking it for months and, after a sex session, her husband came out of the bathroom to find her finishing herself off where she revealed she’d been faking it for months.
Personally, I’m at that stage in life where I can’t be bothered to fake it for anyone. I don’t see why I should massage someone’s ego and allow him to think I’ve got my rocks off when I haven’t. If you’re in a relationship with someone and faking it consistently, it’s dangerous. Your partner probably does not know if you are and how the hell will they learn what you like if you keep pretending?
Society and the media give you this idea that you’re supposed to walk away from a sexual experience with a John Wayne walk and a grin like a Cheshire cat from screaming your head off with sexual joy. Apparently, you’re supposed to make men feel good by showing pleasure no matter what. I mean, heaven forbid you offend or upset them by voicing needs and feedback.
The reality is that some these guys I faked it with needed a well-lit flight path and an air traffic controller to guide them to my hot spots! But I also recognise the fact that I’m more aware of what I like and don’t like now, and I have no problem saying so!
Are there any times when you should fake it? Actually, yes. Personally, I’m not one to have a guy ride me ragged. If there isn’t a hope in hell of me coming and the guy is intent on pumping me until I do, I will fake it. I have no desire for cystitis or a UTI (urinary tract infection). I’m also a lover of my sleep! Sometimes you’ve got to know when to quit.
Fortunately, it’s been a long while since I’ve had any need to fake it, so I guess I am a ‘lucky’ woman!
My brother told me he faked it a few years back. He said it was easy to do because he had his ‘mac’ on and he knew it just wasn’t going to happen. She was roaring her head off and writhing in ‘ecstasy’ (I suggested she may have been faking it too, which he laughed at). He just wanted to bring it to an end and go home.
A recent straw poll I conducted revealed a plethora of reasons for faking it. Answers included:
Sexual partners don’t learn how to please us unless we speak up. And if none of us do, the guys in question will continue to think they’re good and not realise their ‘errors’. Some things are just a personal taste issue. However, if he’s going at you like a jackhammer and leaves you barely able to walk, it’s likely that there are other women who won’t enjoy it either. If we’re all lying back and faking it, we’re just passing on dodgy goods to the next woman. We’re doing a disservice to each other!
Now if the guy won’t take any critiquing of his ‘prowess’, don’t waste your energy. Keep in mind that most guys are loath to be told anything that they do is wrong. As I’ve said before, the male body is 75% water and the rest is ego and penis. Their ego will struggle to comprehend what you have said. Show and tell gently. If he’s jabbing at you as if he’s rummaging in one of those magic boxes, tell him to adjust pace. Slow down a little, move out of his way a few times till he gets the hint, or show him, which will probably make all his Christmases in one go!
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