Mutually fulfilling relationships take the consistent honesty of being emotionally available.
Intimacy happens when two people have gotten over the pretence that they’re perfect and have stopped being afraid that they will experience rejection or abandonment if they allow themselves to trust enough to get close and be seen. They are being themselves instead of holding back by having a you-go-first attitude. Closeness doesn’t feel threatening, so they don’t run from or sabotage it. Rather, they’re emotionally giving.
In mutually fulfilling relationships, being a team spreads the risk of intimacy. The partners allow deeper understanding and knowledge on both sides. As a result, neither becomes complacent and takes the other for granted by assuming what they think, feel, need, want or expect. At the same time, the increasing intimacy means that, over time, they are each better at instinctively recognising where the other might be coming from — empathy.
Healthy boundaries are a marker of intimacy. They reflect each person’s trust in respecting each other’s lines and limits. Healthy boundaries reflect healthy relationships. They say the partners are open to respecting themselves, speaking up, and getting uncomfortable enough to communicate about issues that crop up. Each situation, even if it’s tense or stressful at the time, results in each party deepening intimacy. They can talk about feelings, growth, insights, and lessons and even laugh about it.
Intimacy is one of the five landmarks of healthy relationships, along with balance, commitment, consistency, and progression. A relationship with the landmark of intimacy has a depth that comes from enjoying shared core values. When we get to be ourselves in and out of our relationships, we meet our emotional needs and experience compatibility so that we get to thrive.
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